This Happiness

My heart, beloved more than anything,

Beloved Madhukarji!

Weeks before you came to the retreat „Song of Silence“ to Carinthia my joy, my anticipation was endless. The heart was pulling, my longing for my home, for my true Self was limitless. It called me with such an intensity that often tears came up and they made my heart pulse.

Then, one day before this blessing week started, old garbage and resistances showed up. And out of reasons that I do not know, out of pure grace, I went anyway, and I will go to you again and again, following the call of my heart, leaving the mind-fuck behind me. Then, in the retreat, before the introduction, strong fear of you was added, and the resistances were so big that I was really in despair.

But then your love, your grace was flowing. With a couple of words and a loving embrace you welcomed me. With this you moved all the garbage away, out of my mind. You liberate me / this mind from everything that is blocking me from simply being. All obstacles vanish in you love in the end, and do not have any power over me anymore.

Beloved Guruji, I will never be able to express with words how much I love you, how much I worship you and how big my thankfulness is for all your love and grace. I want to get absorbed by it, wrapping myself into it like a candy, not wanting to be anywhere else anymore. Each time when I come to you, you are showing me that this freedom and love are my only wish. I want to dance, sing and scream this happiness out into the world.

Often tears come up because I fly so high, being so unashamedly happy, and my heart is flowing over with joy. I wish the entire world could experience this peace and get infected with the thirst for freedom. Nothing, absolutely nothing can exceed the contentment of staying in Beingness.

Thank you also that my children were allowed to be there on one evening. My little daughter said afterwards: “This was like vacation and I was crying with joy when I was looking in Madhukar’s eyes.”



…found on my way back home …

The Way to Freedom

“… found on my way back home …
Even though this photo was made in May 2013, the words above and in the photo will always be coherent for me. At the age of about 23 years my search for the Divine began. The call of my heart was unmistakable. So, in a magical way, it brought exactly the things into my life which I needed. First of all I encountered the books of Ramana Maharshi. “Be what you are” was my “bible”. Many other books followed. After a couple years I was again and again reading the words: „When the veneration of the individual has reached a mature state the Guru manifests and appears in human form”, and inwardly I was praying for this.

One day I was reading an article about Madhukar in a spiritual magazine. I knew: “I have to go there!” What I was experiencing in my first Satsang in 2004 with Madhukar was overwhelming. A shock wave of love came towards me, and I knew I am this love. From there on I visited the Satsangs with Madhukar regularly (twice a year). Each one had its effect. Again and again this sweet pain came up there, the strong longing to come back home. A deep pain, but sooo sweet. Often tears were flowing because of the beauty. After each Satsang I came closer to my heart, the veil of forgetfulness was destroyed piece by piece.

Now, for some time, my search has come to an end. ‘I know one day a miracle will happen’ was played in this particular first Satsang. The miracle has happened.

Beloved Madhukar, also in this way I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Love flows day by day, on the other side this deep silence. A natural feeling of self esteem full of humbleness came up, peace in the heart, freedom in Beingness. I am thankful that I met you on my way back home. Thank you!

In love Ulrike

For they do not know what they are doing

… for they do not know what they are doing …

In this context these words of Jesus crossed my mind.

For a couple of months I again and again encounter criticism about Madhukar. At the beginning this just made me smile, thinking “here again some egos find him a hard nut to crack.” But in the last days I was reading a text that made me write these lines.

I only can shake my head about the way it is written about Madhukar in this pamphlet. There are lots of fairytale assumptions, what Madhukar said, did and failed to do. The female visitors/students of the Satsangs who are often mentioned in this text are portrayed as brainless ninnies, always ready to serve and so on.. Furthermore the value of Ramana’s self-inquiry is questioned, and some spiritual teachers, like Papaji, Sai Baba and OSHO really get it in the neck. One even makes fun about children with Down syndrome. For me, the kind of “exposure”, as it is found in this text, is beneath all contempt.

To me these very lengthy statements are not only inadequate but also really lowbrow. I also think that the critics never bothered to really get to know Madhukar, or to inform themselves in detail about the other subjects they are writing about so extensively.
Especially this kind of information/sections from books, videos etc. have been picked and afterwards twisted in a fitting way to make it all look bad. Only one sentence as a compliment: constructed in a nice and complex way (by distorting and falsification of facts), therefore very creative and very humorously for people with a similar way of thinking.

I know how it is, if one is not understood when the other one only understands what he wants to understand. When untrue things are implied which are simply not existent. BEINGNESS does not care. Not in a way of indifference but equanimity. But there is also still the person… and when something like this is happening to me it makes me wonder again and again. I can understand such a behavior when it comes from people who are acting out of the ego. But why do spiritual people/awakened ones (???) judge others? What is their motivation? It cannot be the uncovering of the truth when such “information” is spread in the world. One can be glad that nowadays there are only mental crucifixions happening, but I really do not think this is nice.
Also it is not useful harping on certain words or phrases or to anatomize them in a meticulously way. Writing this text I also use certain words one can interpret in different ways. Hey folks, get away from the words and go into the heart!

Regarding some of the „reproaches“ I would like to say something more in detail because a few times I was in Satsang with Madhukar myself.

I never was interested in a personal relationship, and I never felt attracted by the outward person Madhukar (behavior/status/appearance). I was looking for myself! One just cannot claim that all women get addicted to him. In Satsang I met many intelligent, sensitive people who did not in the slightest way seem to be “numbed” (as some of the allegations say). I also don‘t have the feeling that “I lost my mind”. On the very contrary, after awakening the mind works much more efficient, because it is not entrapped in restless thoughts anymore, as it was when it was still serving ego.

If one likes to talk about a relationship it could be called a relationship from heart to heart. Self was attracted to Self. Basically, the person is totally unimportant. In this case one might speak of misuse – Guru-misuse. A person is made Guru, it gets used. Is this point of view not worth looking at? But probably one can only understand this when one has realized who really is.

I never noticed any arrogance, falsehood or untruthfulness in Madhukar’s behavior. It was especially the clarity, openness, honesty and freedom in the way he was and in the way he was dealing with people that gave me faith. I liked Madhukar’s direct way of rejecting all mental concepts and not speaking about any problems of everyday life. Whoever is looking for the latter just shall look for somebody who is going into this. I also would say that reflecting on problems/life stories can mean a postponement for the ego. But as you like it, some need just this.

And if there are “female students“ who like to serve Madhukar – then yes please. Everyone can decide on his/her own what is right for him/her and what is not. What kind of picture are some men drawing about women (naïve, without mind, having no will of their own)??? To me this is rather questionable. Of course, persistent service does not bring any advantages in Self-realization, but who would presume to judge whether this is not the right way for some people?

There are so many people with individual patterns and preferences, and luckily there are more awakened/enlightened ones today than ever before. We should be happy to be able to go to the teacher/master etc. (simply pick the term you like the best) who meets the own inclinations. And there is a very simple way to recognize the one who is just right for you when you really are going for awakening and freedom. Listen to your heart! It will lead you exactly where it is the best for you. Leave the other teachers alone, do not judge them. They might be not for you, but they might be exactly the right one for somebody else. Just look around a bit, and stay with the teacher with whom you are feeling peace or unconditional love. Never judge an awakened one by his outer appearances.

Each one gets what he is looking for. The one who is looking for mistakes finds mistakes, the one looking for a personal relationship gets a personal relationship, the one who is looking for freedom gets freedom.

Which method/practice would be the better one or through which one might awake quicker … thoughts like these are needless, but wanting to discuss them or even fighting about it … this I call madness, and it very much makes me think of ego-behavior. Pick what your heart feels that is right!
Some might like to walk the path and little by little release emotional blockages by therapeutic methods or different techniques. Also there is a large choice available as it has been never before. But with this the mind can also get confused and ask: “What is the right thing for me, I cannot make any decision?”
Using self enquiry, step-by-step all blockages come to light and melt away – through the blazing flame of love, through conscious Being (I myself have experienced it).
Self-enquiry is very direct. Of course asking “Who am I?” is not about analyzing with the mind who is. Already Ramana explained this in detail, and also Madhukarji is lovingly pointing to this again and again. While feeling the I AM you are immediately in your BEING, you feel the Being. In doing so a “running in circles”- movement cannot happen unless one is searching with the mind. What is at stake is feeling of I AM – simply just BEING!

Also I confirm herewith, it is very simple! – I remember when I was sitting in Satsang a couple years ago and Madhukar told me: “It is very simple.” And I (ego) became stubborn and said “But not for me!” – It is only difficult when one tries to understand it with the (ego serving) mind. Because the I AM has always been here and is always here, always present, so close. But when one is looking with the mind or tries to understand then it takes a little while.

The silent Being with the Guru is a reminder of that what you always are. Use this, it is precious!

I am thankful for the books of Sri Ramana Maharshi, I am thankful for the self-enquiry and I am thankful that I met Madhukar.

If mind serves ego it is often used to value and for judging. When the mind is operating in connection with the heart then it is used (when necessary) for distinguishing. To leave others the way they are (even when some behavior does not go along with the own moral principles), remain entirely true to oneself, in peace, serves the world more than anything else. I am convinced that there are worse and really existing grievances in the world one rather should take care of.

Dear critics, even if one is not entirely all that one sees in others (even though in this case a lot is not even there at all but has just simply been read into it), nevertheless, inside of oneself one carries unredeemed aspects of what one is condemning and rejecting others about. There are universal laws whose creators were/are not exactly Poonjaji or Madhukar as a person. These laws are existing for an eternity. The biggest and most important is LOVE.

in love

In Love


Yoga of Silence with Sri Madhukarji in Berlin

The event with Madhukar this time in Berlin was absolutely great. So many wonderful people came to be in silence together and celebrate love and peace.

Madhukar promised: “I will lead you into love.” And exactly that was what he did. Something very special came up this weekend. Each one of us was carried away and surrendered to this sweet love that is always present inside of us. Resistance is useless! Yeah!

It is wonderful to be in such a blessing connection with Madhukar and being part of this loving community. It’s great fun being allowed to help organizing such a beautiful event and to celebrate with this fantastic Family of Love.

I am looking forward very much to see you and many new dear hearts again next year.

Let’s share Love